My brother-in-law’s recent deployment has finally come to an end. As we’ve anxiously anticipated his return it’s made me think a lot about the everyday sacrifice that we don’t typically see. The sacrifice from our veterans and their families occur on more than just the fourth of July, Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and all the other bank holidays we’ve given them. But we miss it.

As I started thinking about what “deployment” is I thought the best place to start would be to look at what have we defined it to mean. Handy dandy Merriam Webster defines deployment as: “the act or movement of deploying or the state of being deployed” (helpful right?). Further they give us some caveats to help elaborate their super specific and clear definition of “the placement or arrangement (as of military personnel or equipment) in position for a particular use or purpose” and “an instance of such placement (as in a battle zone) for a period of time.” To me that sounds clinical and cold like the movement of chess pieces as they dance around the board. Is that what our armed forces sign up for to be moved around in this game of chess? Because it’s not pawns that are at stake and it’s not a king they’re defending; its our country and lives they are protecting, and the pieces are our brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, etc.

Deployment, however, is so much more. To me you can’t think of deployment as the movement of pawns but rather the interruption in the life of people. For my sister deployment was her reality as she would be without her husband for seven months less than a year after moving to a new state with two toddlers under the age of four. Deployment looks like my nephews not having their Dad within arm’s reach to chase the boogie man away at night and check for monsters in their closet. It would be the culmination of everything missed that can’t be replicated or replaced; the birthdays, the first day of preschool, Soccer practice, Bike rides, Christmas, Playoff Hockey, and worse the loss of their family pup who had to be put down days after he left. 

Deployment looks like my sister solo-parenting while the boys start to carry pictures of Daddy around whenever they get a chance to talk to him on the phone. Deployment looks like being outnumbered by toddlers as arguments and meltdowns over vegetables, snacks, bedtimes, potty training, sharing, and bath time continue regardless of what’s going on in the world. 

Deployment looks like care packages filled with pictures and kids hand painted Christmas ornaments. Candy and little momentous to fill the gap from when the ship pulled out to when they finally return home. Deployment is met with “Red” (Remember Everyone Deployed) shirts which hits nicely with the boys Spider-Man and Lightning McQueen obsession. Now if you ask they think that Daddy’s favorite color is red. 

Deployment is the planning of family vacations for when your loved one returns because you can’t wait to watch them make their own memories filled with little hands pulling them in excitement to go on an adventure this time together. It’s stocking the house with their favorite food for when they come home. It’s the culmination of all the little moments both of heartache for their absence as well as anticipation for their return. 

When Rob left Ryder was one and barely talking, and now he’s two and won’t shut up. Jackson was just embarking on his all-encompassing obsession that would be Spiderman. There’s now a screened in porch perfect for sitting with your morning coffee and almost every room has been rearranged. There are so many things that might look different, but the way the home feels has not changed. It’s filled with little boy chaos and curiosity and unconditional love. Screaming matches over snacks and bedtime nuggles pleading for just five more minutes to be in your arms. 

This is the real-life sacrifice that we thank our Veterans for. We thank them because they give their life for us. They give the days and memories that others experience that could have been theirs. The laughter and adventures that continue in the wake of their absence. Heaven forbid they pay the ultimate sacrifice, but that does not negate the reality that a soldier doesn’t need to die for them to have paid a hefty price for our freedom. 

I’m so proud of my sister for holding down the fort while Rob was away. I’m so honored to have Rob as my brother who goes and does what is so often thankless but is essential. I’m thankful for all the families who live out similar stories because they know that security and freedom are never free. To them I just want to say-

We miss you, we pray for you, and we can’t wait to say “Welcome home”