Do you remember the movie Mean Girls? Pretty much one of the most iconic young adult films from when I was in high school that is still quoted frequently at least among my circle. While high school and the scenarios that teenage girls find themselves in the movie are extreme it still hits some pretty painful points. Like the infamous quote, “You can’t sit with us” the mindset of inclusiveness and cliches doesn’t seem to stop even after we’ve all left high school. 

What breaks my heart is that this mindset and this attitude has found its way into the culture of Church Women. I can honestly believe that every church experiences this on some level and while it could be so much worse where I am I’ve had just about enough. I was a sorority girl in college I understand the potential drama being surrounded by other females can cause but as women of faith we should hold ourselves to higher standards. 

Lately it’s weighed heavily on my heart this quote- “You can’t sit with us,” because I can look around and see it being lived out in the pews and the lives of far too many Christian women. I understand there are going to be women that you click better with than others, women whose schedules meld easier with yours, or whose life circumstances match yours but that doesn’t excuse blatant exclusion. Honestly, we’ve all done it and we should all be ashamed. I don’t count myself among the innocent but I am counting myself among the group that is fed up and wanting some sort of revolution. 

No more- you can’t be friends with this person or that person. Or why are you talking to that person. Just ENOUGH! We can all be friends and get along. You don’t have to spend all of your time with only one person and you don’t need to invite everyone to everything all the time. That along just sounds exhausting. What I’m offering is simple, be intentional with those around you. Be welcoming and inviting rather than closed off and guarded.

The friends you already have, keep them, but also challenge yourself to be more intentional with how you interact with them. Don’t take for granted the people who are already pouring into your life.

For those you might not know well or at all be open to introducing yourself, asking genuine questions to get to know them, or invite them to sit with you or to coffee. Be open to the idea that you might be a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, or a voice of peace that they need spoken over their lives. God may have placed you on intersecting paths but you will never know if you aren’t open. Be willing to accept people as they are because each person and their unique perspective will speak into your life or your current situation if you let them.

I’m offering a change from “You can’t sit with us” to “Come as you are.” If that’s challenging, good. Because it is. We’ve lived and been assimilated into a society that values being “exclusive” over being loving. Being known about verses being known intimately. We’ve become distracted by the number of likes we get on social media rather than focused on the number of intentional conversations we have everyday. So, it’s going to be an adjustment but it’s going to be so worth it as we see deeper more genuine relationships with our sisters in Christ and the world will want to know what makes us different from the rest of the mean girls out there.