It’s okay to be single. It’s okay to be a virgin-I know I said the V word let’s all gasp in horror. You are not weird and you are not broken if you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I think it’s important to say that straight out because I know that there are so many times where I have felt as if everyone is looking at me like I’m off on the island of misfit toys but so what. You are not broken. You are a whole person who has so much to offer all by yourself.

Highschool relationships do not have to make or break your life. Because what society tells you is a lie. They tell you that relationships and sex are no big deal. That they can be “casual.” But the pieces of yourself that you would give away in that sort of relationship- no matter how “casual”- you can never get back. The emotions, the time, the parts of yourself that you give away these aren’t casual. You deserve to keep yourself as whole as possible to give yourself in your entirety to the one that God has in store for you.

The best part of being young is the pure unadulterated passion that you have to give to the Church. Your teenage years and early twenties provide you with time. You have time to serve, time to go on missions trips, you have a blessing of time to be trained and equipt to be an army for Christ. But you can either use these precious years of extra time and less commitment for Christ or for a significant other.

Are you going to chase God or chase boys

I want them to stop and realize the power that they have. Their words and actions can change so many lives. The steps of obedience that you turn into habit and then the “new norm” can change the next generation. But are you going to make the mistakes we-your “leaders” have made and allowed yourself to become distracted? You must fight against what society throws your way. You should fight against what you yourself feel because as the Bible says our nature will fight against what is holy.

Galatians 5:16-17: 16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want.

Romans 7: 18-20: 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

To my youth kids whom I love so dearly. Don’t be me, you can be so much better. Don’t make my mistakes. You do not have to be in the popular crowd or go on dates just so you can talk about it in the cafeteria. You do not need to have the perfect promposal because no one is going to give a crap about that in ten years-trust me. Don’t spend all of your time waiting for the guy to text or for the phone to ring. You are living now; not once you find your other half. You already are ONE COMPLETE HUMAN BEING. Don’t sit around all dressed up with no place to go and wait to start your life until you’re in a relationship or married. Start now- start today.

With that “start life now” thing going I have a difficult question for all of you. A difficult question because you can’t answer right away, you need to take time and delve into all the different possibilities of the answer. Would you even be ready to be a “we” or is there still things that you need to perfect in the “me” stage. This was something that I struggled with for a while. I kept telling myself that one day when I met the right guy things would be perfect and then one day while I was sitting there watching some dumb t.v. show God threw me  a curveball. Whenever I thought about “my future hypothetical husband” I always thought: well I hope he’s a calm in a crisis (because spoiler I am not), well I hope he’s patient, I hope he’s this or that because I need that. But here’s the flip side: Was I working hard to become the best version of myself for the future spouse. Was I becoming the things that I hope he prays for? When we meet is he going to see the godly woman he prayed and asked God for? Or was I going to give him the short straw?

Why was it right for me to think of praying that he would be working to become his best version without effort on my part. That’s when I started developing the me to we mentality. I fully believe now that we do not have any business considering getting into a relationship until we are fully comfortable with the “me” that we are now. Because if you can’t be comfortable with who you are now then what is your future spouse/your future other half supposed to think?

Now don’t take this personally. I think we are all constant works in progress. I think that there is something that we all can and should work on for our physical, mental, and spiritual development. I think the moment we stop striving is the moment we start starving. We have to keep pushing to be the best versions of ourselves because the bar is set at Jesus and let’s be honest with ourselves: we all have a long way to go. You might be thinking that this is a lot to think about as a twenty something year old single girl. But in reality I have the time to actually work on these things now. I have time to have the experiences that I want or need. I have the ability to be selfishly selfless.

This is important. My mom once told me about this concept; the idea of being selfish in the selfless serving that you can do in your singleness. For example: finances, while I need to be honorable to my future spouse so that they do not have to inherit my debt with my hand in marriage, I have the ability to be selfish in the manner that I do not have anyone to support with my finances currently but myself. So in the manner of being selfish than I have the ability to increase my tithe or give to more charities; to develop the discipline of tithing and financially supporting the works of God with my money that will carry over into “our money.”

There has been a time in my life that I’ve had to work on parts of myself that I need to take the time now to become aware of before I unleash myself on some poor guy for all of eternity. You are young and you have so much of life to still figure out so you should be prioritizing getting YOUR life in order before trying to live an OUR life. Teenage years are your time to learn from life experience. If you are focused on someone else’s growth and happiness you can’t learn what it is that makes you happy. You can’t work on growing personally. Don’t cheat your future spouse out of having a partner who is only half developed. If you don’t take this time now to prepare and learn as much about yourself and to get right with God you can’t expect to have the time to do these things later when you are in a committed relationship. For example: I know I need to work on my patience; I need to work on being patient because I would want my future husband to be patient with me and  would never want to be impatient with my future children.