First let me acknowledge that it’s hard being single. Trust me I know it’s not always a barrel full of monkeys. It’s not easy to spend Friday night after Friday night alone or a third wheel to your best friend and their significant other. I totally understand your frustration and discouragement. I’m twenty-three, have been in multiple wedding (and gone to even more), have prepped many of my friends through the first date jitters and the majority of my friends are married-some are even popping out adorable little bundles of joy. I get the frustration and I relate to the feeling of tiredness and feeling forgotten about. I’ve been the person who hasn’t been invited to things and know it’s because you’re the odd one out.

I’ve felt that little annoyance at not being able to make a cute little photo montage to show off your #MCM on Instagram. It can be lonely and tough to walk through everyday be yourself. At times it can get down right depressing. I’ve found myself in pits of depression feeling strangled by the hopelessness and loneliness that I didn’t think I could share. I believed that if I said it outloud, that I wasn’t happy with where I was in life, then I would be doubting God’s overarching plan. To prove it here’s an excerpt from my prayer journal from a time when I let my lack of a partner distract me from the life I did have:

“Lord,

I come to you because I’m hurting. Lord I’m struggling with something and I don’t know what to do, Lord I’m lonely. I know that sounds so dumb. I know that sounds lame and so trivial in the grand scheme of the world but right now it’s tearing at my soul. I feel lost and forgotten and I’m scared. I feel like I’m going to be alone forever and that breaks my heart. All I’ve ever wanted was to be a wife and a mom. The thought that that could never happen breaks me apart inside. I trust you Lord. I know that you have planned everything for the perfect purpose. I know that nothing is beyond your power and ability. But with each passing day-each passing holiday and family/friend occassion I find that this pit is sinking deeper and deeper. I feel like soon the walls are just going to cave in on me. Nothing I do seems to fight back this darkness that overwhelms me when I try to quiet my brain. What have I done Lord? What did I do for me to be left alone in this pit? Why me? Am I just so unlovable? Is there something wrong with me- am I too broken? Is it impossible for me to be a godly wife?…”

These were some of the words and panic that have run through my mind and you may have felt some of the same things at some point. We let our minds run ragged and keep everything bottled up because of the stigma that follows girls who admit that they don’t like being alone. I think that in our times of struggle we need to seek help. It’s also not fair that we tell ourselves that this sickness of singleness has to be kept inside. That we can’t talk about it. That it’s a taboo to bring up the fact that every once in a while you feel like it would be great to have someone to go see the new Hunger Games movie with.

The first place to turn should be God. He created you and he knows your heart and your desires better than you could ever articulate. Your prayers no matter how silly they may sound outloud matter to God. He does not delight in your pain. He wants you to offer your pain and confusion up to Him and he wants to reach down and comfort his child. The second place to turn would be to a close friend and adviser. Someone who is walking through life with you. Another woman of God who is going to offer you not only comfort but her own reflection of Christ. How are your friends supposed to help you in your times of loneliness if they don’t know about it?

But in reality it’s hard to be alone and talk about being alone when all society does is through images of sex and happy couples everywhere you look. It’s hard to see your friends go out on dates or take cute pictures with their husbands or boyfriends and not be jealous or sad that you aren’t there yet. It’s hard to be a good friend and go to wedding after wedding and see the happy couples confess their undying love for each other. It’s even worse when people look at you and wink and say that your turns coming up. So in this ever present third wheel stage of your life you start to listen to the voices in your head.

You start to feel forgotten about and you doubt yourself and even worse you start to doubt that God has a plan for you. But trust that He does. Just because you don’t see it or you don’t understand it right now does not mean that it isn’t coming. And the God that created you in the womb (Psalm 139:13 or Jeremiah 1:5), who stitched you together like the masterpiece you are is going to know exactly who and what you need and when you are going to be ready for it.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Habakkuk 1:5 (NIV)

“Look at the nations and watch- and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.